Soul mates may be found in life - the special and unique relationship found perhaps with a best friend, a spouse, a favourite author; and in other areas of life.
(Of course, soul mates that emerge within an existing family seem less of a mystery, although a mystery remains. Consider, for instance (as a public example), the special relationship between JRR Tolkien and his third son, Christopher - about which JRRT commented in several letters.)
There is a mystery about soul mates and how it happens.
Any formula of "how" to seek a soul mate, "what" to seek in a soul mate, methods to "identify" a potential soul mate and the like; will very probably lead to disaster. Because such check-lists, algorithms and the like always place abstract models above the personal; and a soul mate is rooted in relationship between persons.
(I assume that the personal is primary, and relations between persons are the "mechanism" - so abstractions are, at best, secondary and descriptive models of this reality.)
There have been many (and, to me, unconvincing!), ideas around, about how soul mates discover each other, and happen.
I think it actually, in practice, typically works something like this (bearing in mind that this is an abstract and categorical summary of a seamless development):
Awareness, Interest, Attraction, Love
This ripening must, of course, be mutual; must happen on both sides - although not necessarily "equally" nor "simultaneously" - whatever these terms might mean... Even complementarity doesn't capture it.
The point is - at some level - soul mates exemplify a dyadic relationship that is a New Thing; qualitatively different from the sum of, or any selection from, its parts.
If you have ever had a soul mate relationship (and these may not last all our lives, given the nature of this mixed and mortal world, permeated as it is with entropy and evil) you may perhaps recognise this progression. And how the relationship may build in this kind of way.
(The building towards soul mates may be more or less rapid or slow - but there must, it seems, be this linear/ sequential quality to the development. Soul mates are, in this respect, an opposite to notions of "Love at First Sight". Awareness and interest may happen at first sight - but love must develop afterwards.)
"Soul mating" is - like most of life - much more like the development and maturation of a living being, than it is like the fulfilment of a blueprint. And that continues after the soul mate relationship is established - much more like an organic growth, than it resembles "following a plan".
There needs to be preparedness on both sides - or it won't happen; yet the specifics relationships is not sought. There is a sense of destiny, but always needing personal choices and motivations.
The model I think best captures the phenomenon of soul mates for me, begins with two beings in a sea of other beings. And a chain of accumulating choices that begins when these two first become aware of each other. And it is easy for me to imagine how God the creator might initiate that first possibility of awareness.
What a perfect entry, and how interesting no one commented. The trope that "soulmates are built, not found" is pervasive because people seek to turn their "means-over-ends" marriages into a sought-after commodity, as if that is one more thing to add to their list of accomplishments. Never mind most would have no clue what to do with a soulmate beyond worldly prescriptions.
ReplyDeleteJust because Einstein had to go to school and put in effort to get the outcomes we know (building) does not mean he did not have to be born first (he had to happen for humanity). It is amazing what parroting does to the human brain.