...Is a common one for me. Indeed, I seldom seem to have a really clear head, except in the mornings - and even then not always.
It is a difficulty in concentrating, at one level - a tendency for thoughts to drift passively. More insidiously, the thoughts don't properly connect-up - one thought does not arise from another in a linear sequence, but they hop around - sparking and fizzling and doing nothing useful.
And yet, although dependent on external stimulation, I feel cut off from it. Because when thoughts are merely being-triggered, and don't amount to anything sustained, then one is (pretty much) stuck inside the buzzing confusion of the mind.
Of course, some extreme event or disaster will summon the energies - but that is just another version of passivity...
What I want is for thought to come from me, from the real me - and for that thinking to obliterate the gap between myself and everything else.
When this desired situation arises (or is, somehow, induced) then there is a sense of omniscience... not of 'knowing everything' but that everything being-thought is real. Everything I think IS.
This is to participate in creation, working from my own small but distinctive corner of creation.
It's rare; but that is what I am supposed to be learning to do.
I can see myself but I'd prefer to be myself.
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I think I am most able to have real thoughts when I accept both who I am and I allow myself to become oriented towards co-creating a good future with others. April 24th's post from William Arkle helped solidify my thinking on this point, because he mentioned that holiness is not the focus, but wisdom should be our focus, and holiness flows from this. I work better and get more true productive ideas when I try to focus on wisdom, rather than dwelling on my failures and wishing I was something that I am not.
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