Your don't need to find and marry "a girl" but a particular person: The false aim of the generic instead of the particular

I see a very general problem; that is of people seeking generic experience, rather than particular and specific experience. 

Consider the vast edifice of advice and aspiration for men concerning "marriage"; the question of the "how to get a girl" type - including all that "manosphere" stuff. 

The problem is in the generic "a girl" - and that problem is not solved by narrowing the search to a particular sub-type of woman: the problem is that people are encouraged to seek a type, not a person. 

And the problem is not that such advice does not work, the problem is that so many people actually agree with the quest for a category - internalize it, believe it, defend it. The problem is when this kind of thinking leads to people getting what they want. 

If you want "a girl", the deepest problem is that you may get exactly that: a relationship with someone who is regarded as a member of a generic category. 

The problem is that - like the arranged marriage of a monarch - you (as member of the category King) will marry a representative of the generic category of "young beautiful princess" - rather than any specific and actual human Being. 

And the worst is when you are so shallow or corrupted as to be satisfied that this is indeed the ideal of your life!

Of course there is some truth in some generic categorizations; and it may be that marrying a woman of a certain category is better than not being married. But that is a "lesser of evils" argument, which can be used to justify anything (even voting in elections!) - not the basis of your life quest. 

"A girl" is not what is needed - "a girl" (not even a particular sub-category of woman, tailored to your personal preference) will not and cannot satisfy our profound and inescapable spiritual aspirations and hopes and needs. 

What is needed for marriage, and what ought therefore to be aimed-at, is not a girl but "the girl" - a particular person. 

Now; this idea of "the one", or "the soulmate" has been much abused and is often ridiculed - often rightly so. 

Because like all the highest of human aspirations - including the search for God - it may be corrupted into an excuse for selfishness, hedonism, spite, status-seeking, money-seeking, cowardice; or any other of the sins to which Men are prone. 

Yet, when all has been said, and rightly said; in this world, if we do not seek the right goal, if we do not rightly direct our intentions and efforts; we are very unlikely to attain what we most deeply need (or anything like that) given our own weaknesses, and this world of so many and such adverse possibilities. 

My point is that what we most need (and rightly need) as individual and unique human Beings in this mortal life, is specific and typically unique; not generic. 

This applies to many thing - generically, one might say! 

For instance; we don't need "a religion" (such as King Chas. III has so often recommended). Different religions offer very different things. 

If we want what Jesus offers us (resurrected eternal life in Heaven) then we need "Christianity": we need to follow Jesus.

Or if, as Christians, we desire direct spiritual experience; then we ought not to seek this generically. 

For instance, it is a mistake to seek to speak with angels - because angels are a category. 

The proper aim is to have an experience of "an angel"; but a relationship with some particular spirit-Being. And, as such - as with Human Beings, from a motive rooted-in love of that Being... not in order to get something from an angel; such as help or advice.

(And the same with Saints - who I take to be resurrected Men.) 

This is one aspect of the reality that creation is rooted in love, and love is (contrary to so many common and false conceptualizations) between particular Beings; and our highest and deepest life as loving (and creating) Beings is about actual, particular other-persons.

Any good and real marriage that fulfils our deepest yearnings and is a fundamental basis for our mortal life will be unique, as a fact; rooted in an unique and loving relationship between two absolutely specific human Beings. 

The more generic the marriage, the more it conforms to an institution relating to categories of persons; the less it will satisfy our fundamental needs and hopes. 

Because when we regard our-selves as primarily members of a category, and seek for a relationship with another person on the basis of their categorical membership - then we have certainly subordinated the status of love in our life, and we may have excluded love altogether. 

So, we should be careful what we want and seek for. When we need some-thing specific, we err if we seek something generic. Especially because we may then get what we want: get that and nothing more.