"...I am so made that I cannot believe..."
That is true, but at least get it into your head that, if you are unable to believe, it is because of your passions, since reason impels you to believe and yet you cannot do so.
Concentrate then not on convincing yourself by multiplying proofs of God's existence but by diminishing your passions.... Learn from those who were once bound like you...
These are the people who know the road you wish to follow, who have been cured of the affliction of which you wish to be cured: follow the way by which they began.
They behaved just as if they did believe...
That will make you behave quite naturally, and will make you more docile.
"But that is what I am afraid of."
What have you to lose?
Pensees, by Blaise Pascal - excerpted from the Penguin edition page 152.