Tech start-up launches "95% accurate" trainable AI-Witch-Pricker

Inspired by reading the inspiring tale of the 1650 Newcastle Witch Trials - a covertly-funded Tech start-up company have harnessed the burgeoning wonder that is AI, to develop a solar-powered, computerized, retractable witch-pricker. 

Primitive mechanical witch-prickers have, of course, been around for hundreds of years; but these were notoriously unreliable - sometimes leading to the death by execution of innocent witch-finders. 

The new device overcomes all the old problems of inconvenient bulk, infected points, bending, jamming, and snapping. 

Small enough to be concealed under a shirt or between the buttocks, sharp enough to penetrate even the toughest witch's undergarments; this state-of-the art investigative tool can be assembled anywhere by 3-D printing - and is guaranteed completely harmless to middle managers and accredited government officials.  

The soon-to-be launched apparatus has already achieved "95% accuracy" in extensive trails (performed under condition of extreme secrecy, to exclude East-Asian industrial espionage); but these numbers will surely improve with repeated usage due to an inbuilt self-learning neural network. 

Even the notorious problem of false positive results has become "a thing of the past": 

"Ancient witch-prickers tended to become quickly obsolete due to changes in religious mores and government policies; but utilizing the literally-infinite expansion of "AI" capability, users are assured that the old problem of false positives has been vanquished. 

"Our AI-WP is constantly-updating to operate in full conformity with the vacillations of dominant fashions, laws, and hostile mass media. 

"Even better, the power is cleanly and sustainably generated by renewables; either from a micro-windmill activated by large gestures of the arms; an almost-invisible-yet-ultra-sensitive photovoltaic panel responsive to bright moonlight; or, for emergencies, it can conveniently be plugged-into your EV rapid-charger for a few seconds."  

The makers have disseminated and funded an international press release; in which they describe "pre-orders of 100 million dollars, already!" 

Numbers that indicate merely the tip of an iceberg of demand.  

In order to avoid disappointment; potential purchasers are recommended to e-mail or message their bank details "while stocks last" to: prince.abudlsalami@AI.not.nigeria.