Tuesday 25 September 2018

Bad Vestments revisted - a Welby-watch special

The fun thing about living in the End Times is the way that evil is so obvious that it's ridiculous. Who could be so mean-spirited as not to enjoy the above photo?

Archbishop Justin Welby is as ridiculous-looking a man as any in public life. His weak, spiteful, dopey face is simply a product of his inner nature; but he must take be allowed to get personal credit for the choice of vestments with their many horrible features.

Most obviously the colours... what could be more approriate than those yellows? And the red cuffs and maroon collar are master strokes of visual incompetence!

Especially fitting are the subtle references to flames rising from hell to engulf him... but - in line with the true man - even these are feeble, blueish, calor gas type flamelets.

Taken in toto this is a perfect get-up for a person of Welby's type - not one of Satan's savage predators; but a runtish puppy; pathetically eager to serve his demonic masters; hoping and expecting to be petted and pampered for loyal service to the anti-Christian mission; but in practice merely pricked, kicked and mocked for his bumbling ineptitude.  

This post is an homage to Bad Vestments, a website that provoked many a 'supertruth laugh' until it became inactive some six years ago - well worth a browse...


Chiu ChunLing said...

The trio of dolphins on his hat deserve special mention.

Dolphins have many admirable attributes, but a trio of them signifies admiration of a specific feature of dolphin sexuality popularized in the counter-culture a few decades ago.

Using them in a symbolic reference to the Trinity is an intentional inside joke. Though I suspect Welby did not make or design this vesture himself, and thus possibly is not fully in on it.

Jonathan said...

I didn't know you could be this funny, Bruce. Great post!

William Wildblood said...

The only thing there that isn't absurd is the crook. Is that a hint?

Avro G said...

To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, one must have a heart of stone to look at Welby’s get-up without laughing.

Seijio Arakawa said...

The face and vestments (even in this parodic form) are so incongruous to each other I get the sense as though this isn't a real picture... my eyes interpreted it as though a mid-ranked professor or MP, normally photographed in a modern suit, got the idea to stick his head into one of those fairground cardboard cutouts.

You know... this sort of thing... https://www.vianneyvocations.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/For-web-monk.jpg

Wm Jas Tychonievich said...

I'm pretty sure they're fish, CCL, not dolphins, though maybe frogs would have been most appropriate (Revelation 16:13).

According to the press at the time Welby became archbishop, the vestment design is supposed to have been inspired by the miracle of the wedding at Cana. Apparently the blue and purple squiggles represent the water of life being transformed into Kool-Aid.

Bruce Charlton said...

Bad Vestments regarded it as a general rule that, when it comes to flames, *directionality* is a vital factor to be taken into consideration:


Chiu ChunLing said...

Those are definitely counter-culture dolphins.

The lavender accents are also telling, but it's not like there is much to that on its own.