The therapeutic value of frozen peas for the treatment of inflamed knees is well established in medicine; its roots probably go back to an ancient and traditional sacred art in Tibet, or somewhere.
But, until now, the benefits have been limited by lack of awareness, inadequate knowledge, inequality of access, and systemic racism.
That's why I have begun my Peas for Knees Kickfundstarter campaign for 100 million dollars to promote this vital therapy, worldwide .
You are probably thinking... 100 million! What can he possibly hope to achieve with such paltry sums, when the problem is so huge?
You are probably right! But every major worldwide operation must start somewhere - and I like to think of $100M as just the seed corn - or seed peas, if you will - which I will plant (each with infinite care and love) to aim for a much greater harvest of income, I mean therapeutic benefit, in the future.
In other words; contributors should not expect to see anything much from this initial investment. In fact, nothing. The money may well 'disappear' like the drop in the ocean of global finance it actually is...
But to expect otherwise would be naive and anti-science. This is just the smallest of beginnings, of startkicks, of pump-priming, infra-structural thingies.
So just how do I expect to spend the money? How best to promote Peas for Knees? Where shall I start!
First The Facts. I would begin with a worldwide investigation into best-practice and cultural differences in knee-pea usage - from the boulevards of Paris to the beaches of the Bahamas - I am prepared to travel anywhere that peas and knees are to be found together and five star accomodation can be booked in advance.
Once a baseline has been established, then I can get my sleeves rolled-up for funding some solid and original research - so long as it is cheap.
Although validated by innumerable Daytime Television personalities; the science of knee peas remains dismayingly vestigial.
What size of pea?
What density of packing?
What is the best temperature for storage?
Are peas significantly better than sweet corn niblets?
All these require newly commissioned research project/s; with teams of person/people in white coats (or photographs thereof), creative statisticians, and (most of all) skilled advertising copywriters.
Before you decide how much you can afford to contribute - then double it; I would like you to think about an impoverished and crippled child in Africa, call him Ekon (which means strong... get the irony?).
Ekon has no mother or father, is riddled with with horrible parasitic diseases that somehow don't spoil his cuteness; starving and without access to clean water or a deep freeze - he is looking mutely up at you with large and appealing eyes, a tear is rolling down his cheek and making a track in the thick dust consisting of dried animal poo...
You can make Ekon happy - Now and Forever - just by paying me some money.
I urge you to send your contributions, no matter how large, without delay - direct to La Banque (Secrete et Evile) de Suisse quoting the reference "KFS Peas for Knees... &etc."
It will make you feel much better.