Monday 28 February 2022

Affirmative Action for Heaven - a modest proposal

A Social Justice Warrior speaks:

As a atheist, feminist, antiracist, environmentalist, sexually-inclusive leftist; I don't personally want to go to Heaven. 

But I have noticed that people of my kind are grossly Under-Represented among the resurrected souls - indeed, so far as I can tell, there are none of us there At All! 

This is conclusive evidence of an intolerable and extreme prejudice against sinners by those responsible for Heaven. 

Indeed; Heaven has historically been a massively Non-diverse environment; and enforced the systemic Exclusion of sinners. 

But not all unrepentant sinners are so-called 'evil'! Some sinners are indeed much better - nicer, kinder, more concerned - than The Good. 

Indeed, when properly understood by the correct ideology - sinners are better, more moral, people than the (so-called) Good. 

It is, the Good who are Truly evil - as conclusively evidenced by the blatant, unjust and bigoted exclusion of sinners from Heaven.  

Such gross Apartheid between unrepentant sinners and the so-called 'followers of Christ' is clearly an intolerable injustice. After all, unrepentant sinners and Jesus-haters are normal human beings too, and have the inalienable right to go anywhere, and be anything - Including Christians! 

It might be said that anyone who Wants Heaven and repents can already live there; and that people like me just do do not want Heaven... But That is exactly the problem. 

This is systemic discrimination - the righteous have made Heaven a hostile and toxic work-environment for sinners - precisely in order to exclude us. 

We do not want Heaven only because the 'righteous' have made Heaven into a Hell for sinners!  

Systemic discrimination must therefore be dismantled, and Heaven made into a comfortable and welcoming environment for sinners. Only then will sinners be appropriately represented in Heaven.

But there will be no benefit if sinners are admitted to Heaven just to become an underprivileged minority victim class.  

Sinners must therefore cease to be 'judged'. 

The environment of Heaven needs to be purged of hostile and discriminatory and triggering references to 'God'. 'Christ' and 'divine creation'. 

(Due to centuries of inequity, even the slightest hint of deity can be experienced as a hurtful micro-aggression - so this process of purging requires to be comprehensive and detailed.) 

Our aim is that sin and sinning be viewed positively, as Valid Lifestyle Choices. To that end, centuries of ignorant anti-sin propaganda must be undone. 

Sin needs to be praised, subsidized, rewarded - to inculcate the higher ethic that sinners have nothing to be ashamed of. 

Sinners ought to be Proud of their sinning; and until such Pride is spontaneous, natural and universal - our work is not complete.  

In the short-term, this will means that the admission and promotions practices of Heaven will need to be supervised and managed. 

Fortunately, Hell offers consulting facilities for setting up an equitable Human Resources facility to provide oversight of all Heavenly activities - and while these services are expensive, they are much cheaper than the alternative of Heaven being annihilated by the mass media, the legal system, and state bureaucratic regulation. 

In the short-term, there will need to be a levelling-up phase of Affirmative Action, with Quotas for unrepentant sinners in Heaven - including at the highest levels. 

We cannot tolerate a Glass Ceiling for sinners! 

Therefore, in order to create the necessary positive environment for sin and to address the systemic inequalities of the past; quotas will need to favour sinning.

Therefore; Satan will need to be put in charge of Heaven.

In the end; Heaven can be a genuine 'Good Place' only when those who wish to destroy God's manifestation are given the same encouragement and support as those who 'Love Jesus Christ'. And that can only achieved be ensuring that Heaven is administered by Hell. 

The followers of Jesus will, of course, always be very welcome in the New Heaven and will suffer no disadvantage...

So long as they (like everybody else, without discrimination) are willing to swear a binding-oath to our mission statements of opposing God and denigrating Christ; and show willingness to work actively and enthusiastically in the cause of social justice - aiming at ultimate eradication of that apparatus of systemic exclusionary-inequity called 'divine creation'. 


Francis Berger said...

Very good! I particularly liked this line: "And that can only be achieved by ensuring that Heaven is administered by Hell."

Thankfully, evil can have no place in heaven -- a reality that comprises the bulk of my hope.

Bruce Charlton said...

@Frank - "Thankfully, evil can have no place in heaven"

From SJW - "There is No Place for people with such attitudes as yours in the New Heaven! No Platform for Fascism! The only thing we will not tolerate is intolerance - and the greatest intolerance is to call sin an evil."

Francis Berger said...

@ Bruce - I apologize for my insensitive and hurtful comments and the inestimable damage these comments inflicted upon your readers. I will commit to attending a series of counselling sessions to help me better understand my innate biases, privilege, and all-around unacceptable not-niceness. So sorry. Really. Truly . . .

So, can I keep my job . . . please?

William Wildblood said...

This person (Antibruce shall we call her?) doesn't want to go to heaven but wants to ruin it for those that do. If only it were just a joke.

Bruce Charlton said...

@William - She and her pals have done it for science, schools, universities, medicine, arts and literature, police and the the military... Now it is Heaven's turn. And long overdue, say They!

Jeffrey Cantrell said...

Don't forget the children. They do it for the Children!

brierrabbit said...

Screwtape just called, said the Boss just loved it.

Epimetheus said...

I wonder if Leftism's secret foundation is the thesis that sins are not forgiven. These types certainly pile their guilt and shame on the rest of us.